Hump Helper #9

Also known as love potion #9 because this mid-week push comes thrusting from the naughty bits what with Valentine’s Day just over the sensuous swelling summit of this, the tantalizing halfway point at February’s bare midriff.

Let’s start off with One Cold Hand. A website in NYC that photos and posts lost mittens in hopes of reuniting them with their partners. And really, haven’t we all lost a loved one that we want to be reunited with? If they open up franchises, I’m building one here in Minneapolis, where mitten mating season lasts nearly a full eight months.

And I leave you this Wednesday with a list of words that describe, mostly, odd sexual behavior. Now you know what to call that creepy guy watching his pet hamsters go at it. Hopefully you’ll have cause to whip out one or two of these terms come the ‘morrow:

Faunoiphilia (FAW-nay-FIL-ee-uh) – An abnormal desire to watch animals copulate.

Brassirothesauriast (bruh-zeer-oh-thuh-SAW-ree-ast) – A person who collects brassieres or pictures of women wearing them.

Eunoterpsia (YOO-noh-TURP-see-uh) – The doctrine that pursuing sexual pleasure is the goal of life.

Typhlobasia (TIF-luh-BAY-zee-uh) – Kissing with the eyes closed.

Amychesis (AM-i-KEE-sis) – The involuntary act of scratching or clawing your partner in the heat of passion.

Mammaquatia (MAM-uh-KWAY-shee-uh) – The bobbing or jiggling of a woman’s breasts when she walks, dances, or exercises.

Ozoamblyrosis (OH-zoh-AM-bli-ROH-sis) – Loss of sexual appetite because your partner has wicked B.O.

Amomaxia (AM-uh-MAX-see-uh) – Love-making in a parked car.

Colpocoquette (KAHL-puh-koh-KET) – A woman who knows she has an attractive bosom, and who makes good use of its allure.

Melolagnia (MEL-uh-LAG-nee-uh) – Amorous feelings inspired by music.

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3 responses to “Hump Helper #9

  1. I suffer from a similar condition called

    Wasabiunoterpsia (YOO-noh-TURP-see-uh) – The doctrine that pursuing hamachi pleasure is the goal of life.

  2. Kissing with eyes CLOSED?! You’re kidding…

  3. Scott! Scott! Anybody home..?

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