New York Minute

Got to spend five or six sun cycles out in Gotham last week. While it was work-related, our evenings were usually free for fun and frolic. Here’s a sixty second nibble outta the Big Apple:

Friend and art director on this assignment, Dave Dickey, has rigged a kite with a digital camera so he can take aerial photos. He brought the set-up with him to NYC to try and get some shots above Central Park. He managed to bring a set of pliers, screwdrivers, a remote control console and a big square metal contraption through security in his carry-on without a second glance. I don’t know about you, but I’d like my Airport Security Tax refunded please.

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Sadly there wasn’t enough wind to fly the kite. Donald Trump was out of town. Apparently, he was in Dubai comparing architectural penises with some sheikh.

Part of our project was shooting fashion models. How can the client tell us to make sure the lingerie doesn’t look too sexy and then send us a six-foot Brazilian goddess in a half-cup leopard print bra and thong panty set?

Oh, and there is no eldest Baldwin brother named Olijuwan.

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Check out Apple’s shiny new 5th Avenue digs.

New York has the most inane subway set-up in the world. It’s like Tetris on rails. Even my buddy who lived there accidentally gave us a tour of Queens. His first words when we came up from the station in a bad neighborhood: “We shouldn’t be here.”

Saw Robert Duvall in our hotel lobby duded up in a tux. Dave wanted to sneak up behind him and whisper “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” Like no one has ever done that before. I think Duvall would have punched him in the throat.

For all the garbage and smell and noise and outlandish rents and crazed homeless people randomly stabbing tourists, most New Yorkers are friendly. It’s easier to start up a conversation somewhere (subway excluded) than it is here in the capital of “Minnesota Nice”.

As a caveat to the above: coked up chicks from Michigan and a seventh pint of Guinness do not mix well.

When a Russian maid wants to fill your ice bucket, she is damn well going to fill your ice bucket whether you have your robe on or not.

If middle-aged, middle managers, with expanding middles in the hotel bar are too drunk to see that the World Cup game is a rebroadcast instead of live, you can win lots of free drinks from them.

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